Here we go again. Prepare to be amazed by a bunch of stuff — both trivial and important — about the month that will soon be bearing down upon us, if you can see it coming through all those heat waves rising off the road.
Here we go:
Quintilis — Hate to break it to you, but that’s what the month used to be called. So we should all be really grateful to Julius Caesar, for whom it is now named. Can you imagine trying to get up any enthusiasm over the “Fourth of Quintilis?” All the other countries would make fun of us. Caesar kept the old name in his new calendar when he launched it in 45 B.C. But when he got whacked in the Senate the following year, his fellow Romans renamed it Julius for him, probably because they could tell he was really into calendars. Folks later shortened it, as they tend to do.
The Seventh Month — Before we forget Quintilis, note that the name is rooted in the Latin word for “five” or “fifth” — and yet it was the seventh month. The eighth month, just as weirdly, was named Sextilis, which we hope you realize was about the number six and not about any R-rated stuff. The next four months, September through December, were also two numbers off from what their names implied. Why is that? Because the original Roman calendar, allegedly created by Romulus himself, had only ten months. January and February were added during the Roman Republic period, and Caesar based his system on that. Don’t ask us why they didn’t add those months at the end instead of the beginning of the year, to avoid confusion.
Hot Dog Month — Yes, that’s what July is, so now you know why we eat all those frankfurters on the Fourth of the month.
Independence Day — OK, just kidding about that last sentence (although it really is Hot Dog Month). The Fourth marks the day that the Continental Congress ratified the Declaration of Independence. Don’t confuse it with the day that the Congress actually made the momentous decision to split off from the Mother Country — that was two days earlier. John Adams, who had really worked hard to get that stubborn bunch to make the big decision, assumed July 2 would be celebrated as the new nation’s birthday. But he was disappointed. We wait and celebrate the day the paperwork was completed.
National Ice Cream Day — Later in the month, we celebrate National Ice Cream Day. That will be on the 21st this year. We can’t have it earlier, because we need to eat our hot dogs first. Of course, this is also National Ice Cream Month, but let’s not confuse things.
Parents’ Day — Yes, this is a thing. It will occur on Sunday, July 28 — exactly one week after Ice Cream Day. And yes, we already had Mother’s Day in May, and Father’s Day in June. This is a little-known third celebration. So remind your kids it’s coming, and there are only so many shopping days left. Get it together, boys and girls.
Bastille Day — We try to be as American as possible in these features (except for all the Roman stuff), but this is kind of a big thing for our friends the French, so let’s acknowledge it. It’s sort of their Fourth of July, but instead of commemorating and event in which people gathered under more or less parliamentary protocols and drafted a formal document, theirs is about a mob storming a prison. But they were doing their best to be like us. We had a revolution, and they helped, and a few years later they had a revolution. We have the 4th, they have the 14th. We formed a republic, they formed a republic — although before you knew it, they had replaced their king with an emperor. They’re on their fifth republic now, and we all need to encourage M. Macron, who is in a fix at the moment, and the rest of them to hang in there.
Lā Hae Hawaiʻi — Our national Flag Day was in June, but the island state of Hawaii has its own Flag Day on July 31 each year. This is appropriate because they have a pretty cool flag. A British person would definitely think it was fab. That’s it below.
Dog Days — Did you think the Dog Days didn’t come until August? Well, we thought that, and apparently we were wrong. They start quite early in July. Fine. Start celebrating the dogs right away. It’s certainly hot enough out there…
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