We’re running a few days late this month, so you might have begun to think you weren’t going to get a lecture about the upcoming month.
You’re not that lucky. Brace yourself for… September!
We’ll start with the puzzle that’s been confusing people for more than 2,000 years: It’s the ninth month on the calendar, but its name is derived from the Latin word for “seven.”
OK, maybe that wasn’t confusing you, but if you took Latin in school and paid attention, it’s been eating at you on some level. The thing is, about two millennia ago, the Romans added a couple of months to their 10-month calendar. They stuck them in before the months named for seven, eight, nine and ten, but didn’t change the names of them to reflect that they were now ninth, tenth, eleventh and twelfth.
Sloppy, huh? But what are you gonna do? Blame Julius Caesar.
Moving on…
- Used to be, September was the month when kids started back to school. But your kids are already in school, aren’t they? Which doesn’t make sense, either. At least, not to the kids.
- It sort of kicks off with a holiday, which is nice. We call it Labor Day, and the point is to honor those who labor. Most of the rest of the world celebrates that at the start of May, but we don’t, because we see that as something Commies do. To put it another way, it’s sort of America’s answer to “Workers of the world, unite!” We specifically scheduled the holiday so as not to coincide with the rest of the world’s May Day.
- Just so you know that August didn’t grab all the food-related celebrations, September is the national chicken, honey, mushroom, papaya, potato and rice months — among others. So eat up.
- September 11 is Patriot Day, and we certainly hope you know why. Never forget.
- Speaking of food, Sept. 15 is National Crème de Menthe Day, National Double Cheeseburger Day, National Linguine Day, and National Cheese Toast Day. We are really, truly, not make that up.
- We recommend that you eat nothing on Sept. 16. So you can survive to the end of the month. There are a bunch more special National food days coming up, but your doctor has asked us not to mention them.
That’s probably all you can stand, but if you really want to know more, wait until the 28th. That’s Ask a Stupid Question Day. And don’t be shy…
Alfred E Neuman can hardly WAIT until the 28th…
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