Are you ready for Saturnalia? No? Neither are we...

Whoa! We almost let November slip by without telling you all about the month that follows. Better do it now, before Thanksgiving, because we’ll be too sleepy after that.

Anyway, the month to come is December, which is described in many ways, most of which add up to “the most wonderful time of the year.” (See, even on blogs, you can’t escape Christmas music starting about this time. Take it away, Andy Williams.)

Before Christianity came along, the Romans (surely you knew you couldn’t read one of these without hearing about the Romans, right?) celebrated Sol Invictus. Had you heard that they celebrated Saturnalia then? We always had. It turns out Saturnalia ended a couple of days before that — but that’s pretty close, and it was such a big deal in Roman culture that once Rome turned Christian, a lot of its customs were adopted by the new faith.

What was celebrated on Sol Invictus? We’ll quote Wikipedia:

“Invincible Sun” or “Unconquered Sun”) was the official sun god of the late Roman Empire and a later version of the god Sol. The emperor Aurelian revived his cult in 274 CE and promoted Sol Invictus as the chief god of the empire….

In other words, this pagan god was, in Hollywood terms, sort of a Sol sequel. And he turned out to pay off much bigger at the box office than the original — hugely popular.

But later, it was Saturnalia that got associated with Christmas. Yeah, it’s confusing. This, we suppose, is why so many people don’t even try to learn about history.

Confusing as the ancients may have been, we have a little trouble reading a calendar ourselves these days. Think about it. According to Christian tradition (as opposed to Madison Avenue tradition):

Christmas starts on Dec. 25, which is the first of 12 days that it has been celebrated.

It is preceded by Advent, a time of prayer, fasting and quiet reflection — as opposed to, you know, revelry and day after day of buying stuff you can’t afford. This year, Advent starts on Dec. 1, three days after Thanksgiving. And it doesn’t end until Christmas Eve.

But when do we start celebrating this thing that starts on Dec. 25? Look around you. Look at your neighbors’ yards. Look at the offerings that have suddenly popped up on Netflix and Max. Or go to Walmart, where the “Seasonal” aisle has been filled with Christmas candy since right after Halloween.

But who can blame us, right? We can’t wait. That’s because on some level, we all believe Andy Williams was completely right about this time of year…

Are you ready for Saturnalia? No? Neither are we…